I know I’ve been quite the downer these past 10 months or so. Today at work was a new low. Not my worst low, just a new low. I could not stop crying. And I didn’t have a single tissue at my desk. There were tears EVERYWHERE!!! On my papers in front of me, down my shirt on my chest, on my sleeves, they were everywhere.
So for this week. And I can’t promise any longer, I will push down all my urges to cry and try not to dwell. (Yeah, so ummm…sorry about all that boo hoo party and what not. Losing someone you love is effing hard goshdarnit!) I’ll try not to think about what this time of year means. And I’ll try not to think about my Godmother not being here with us. I will focus on the good. I will be thankful. Because I am! Thankful!
Today I am thankful for all the people in my life who love me. My husband and Li’l Foot. My mom. The rest of my family. My husband’s parents and family. All my friends of course (but you’ll have to come back and see tomorrow’s post about them). Without those who love me I couldn’t survive. I am not a person who likes to be alone. Sure, I could curl up in a comfy couch with a good book by myself without interruption for a little while, but I need interaction with people that I love and people that love me back. So here’s a smattering of people I love and people that love me back…
My awesome husband and beautiful daughter…
My can’t-possibly-live-without-her fabulous mom…
My family…
My brother-in-law…
My sister-in-law…
And my nieces…
My nephews…
My wonderful in-laws…
Without all these awesome people in my life, I don’t know where I’d be! Life would be so different without each and every one of them. I am so thankful for them and love them all with my whole heart. I am blessed.
(Not pictured, hubbie’s family (sister & brother) just because I don’t know that they’d want to be posted…but I love them all the same!)
I am SUCH a pessimist. It makes me feel so guilty because I do have so much to be thankful for. I don’t know why I can’t see the good in things over the bad- I am convinced it is in my blood.
I don’t want to make you cry….but this probably will. She is here. She IS and while it’s so hard to imagine going through a holiday season without her the real gift is that you’re not. Because she is here. She’s here.
Every time you celebrate, every time you continue the traditions that meant so much to her – she’s here. And by enjoying those moments you’re honoring her – I only met her a few times, but what I know of her she’d be raising a cocktail of some sort and saying Cheers, lets wrap presents.
Throw a hanky in your work drawer – that way you’ll always have a tear catcher. I have my grampa’s hankerchief with me all the time….they’re the best tear catchers.
Love you.
that’s the funny thing about grief. You think you’ve got it under control. Then WHAM! it hits you right upside the head at the worst possible moment. But you know? that’s ok. Because you’re human and we don’t have control over everything (although I like to tell myself that I do) and you are obviously capable of a lot of love. That and some tears are much better than the alternative.